Keeping Promises

I read through most of my posts today in a bid to restore some of my joie de vivre. Why, you ask? Well, my family has once again been visited by death and we’re in mourning. However, I am aware that that does not excuse all the long hiatuses I have taken and the fact that I have left this blog, my outlet, to fallow. To be quite honest, I’ve spent the last few years since my Aunt died, battling a deep, dark depression. Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I’ll admit that my depression began much earlier than that, her demise was just the final nail in the coffin. I haven’t been right emotionally for a while. Finding joy is harder. Laughing is not as easy as it was. I don’t love things as deeply because I am afraid to lose them. I am slowly coming out of that, slowly healing, slowly finding love within me again. As I scrolled through the posts earlier, I saw a post where I promised to post on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I obviously never kept that promise but I will do my best henceforth. Now is as good a time as any and I have made my peace with the fact that I might not ever be the same person I once was before death dragged me into this darkness. That’s fine, I will still thrive through it. I’m still here and that’s all that matters. Here are some shots I took this month. I loved them.

  • Jacket: Thrifted
  • Top & Earrings: Zara
  • Pants: Topshop
  • Headgear: Individually pinned flowers.
  • Makeup & Photography by me

Making Progress

So I went to therapy. It was…whew. A lot. I left feeling relieved and at the same time so mad at myself for not doing this sooner. After I was done, I tasked myself with preserving my energy and communicating better. So far, it’s been a bit hard to do, but I’m learning to also give myself permission to be imperfect. I demand so much perfection from myself and it breeds a lot of self-loathing whenever I don’t do it perfectly the first time. I am so hard on myself and I expect so much from myself and honestly, it’s crippling to say the least. It is exhausting. I shouldn’t add to my own problems by literally being my biggest bully. How can I ask for patience from others when I have no patience with myself? How can you expect kindness, tolerance, love and acceptance from others when you won’t even do it for yourself? My therapist said that and at the risk of using a trite Twitter-ism, I felt that. Lol. Here’s to being more patient, more loving and more tolerant of myself this Pride month. Happy Pride, please be kind to yourself. x